What Does It Mean to Feel Heard?
A school mental health clinician and student share what makes support work.
What makes a student trust a mental health clinician? What does it look like when an adult is really listening? We asked a clinician, Joseph, and a student, CJ, from the University of Maryland School Mental Health Program to reflect on what makes school mental health support meaningful.
Their answers had a lot in common.
It starts with being genuine.
For the student, trust begins with finding a point of connection.
“I feel like there is always something that someone can relate to. It’s about finding that thing you have in common with the therapist.”
The clinician described it similarly: authenticity matters—especially with young people who quickly recognize when an interaction does not feel genuine. Rather than approaching therapy as the expert with all the answers, he sees the work as a partnership.
“The client is an expert in themselves and their life, and I know some interventions that may or may not be helpful. When we work together with open dialogue and no ego or authority involved, we can discover how to best get to where the client wants to be.”
Students notice when adults are really listening.
When asked how they know an adult is truly listening, the student pointed to things that can seem small: body language, tone, and whether the adult appears genuinely invested in the conversation.
“When it doesn’t seem like they’re forcing themselves to talk—like they actually want to understand.”
That sense of genuine curiosity has also shaped the clinician’s practice. Early in his career, he said he was more focused on getting students where they “needed to be.” Students taught him to think differently.
“Who decides where a client needs to be? Releasing control in the therapy setting and taking the time to understand where the client is, what they need, and most importantly, where they want to go, leads to better outcomes.”
Feeling taken seriously matters.
The student also described what can happen when adults unintentionally minimize what young people are experiencing.
“A lot of times adults think that it’s not as serious as it really is…so it feels like there is no point in sharing how you’re feeling with those kinds of adults.”
In contrast, an adult who demonstrates that they care can make seeking support feel worthwhile. The clinician sees this as extending beyond the therapy room. Mental health literacy and trauma-informed practices across the school community can help create environments where students are more comfortable reaching out before concerns escalate.
And sometimes, schools have to find the students who aren't asking.
When asked what they would change about how schools connect students to mental health support, the student suggested something simple: ask.
“Maybe they could do surveys and then highlight based on the answers who needs actual help. That could be a good way of finding the kids who might be struggling silently.”
That observation points to an important challenge for school mental health systems: access cannot depend entirely on a student being ready—or able—to ask for help.
Their advice, in a few words
For the clinician, good school mental health practice starts with “humility and curiosity.”
For the student, knowing an adult is truly listening comes down to whether “they actually want to understand.”
Different perspectives. A remarkably similar message.
Practice in Action: University of Maryland School Mental Health Program
The University of Maryland School Mental Health Program brings mental health services directly into schools, connecting students with clinicians where they spend much of their day. The program is part of the broader school mental health work of the National Center for School Mental Health at the University of Maryland School of Medicine.
The takeaway: Effective school mental health is not only about making services available. Students also need to experience those services—and the adults delivering them—as genuine, responsive, and worthy of their trust.